I really have nothing to say other than I don’t think I’ll be on this account much. I have no writing muse at all, and I have a lot of issues in real life that have had my attention. I’m hardly on skype anymore because it makes me depressed when no one talks to me or asks if I’m okay, and my writing muse has plummeted and isn’t picking back up. I’m not going to delete because I worked hard on this account and I don’t want to loose everything…. but I’m not sure how active I’ll be anymore. You guys are welcome to message me on skype and talk to me, ask me for my screen name so you can add me, or even ask for my phone number and I’d be happy to receive messages from you all… but here is not a good place to keep in touch with me anymore because I’m never on. Sorry you guys, but me leaving doesn’t seem like much of a loss for anyone so I’m not too worried. 



                Not to inflate your ego but I’d kind of have to be dead not to.
                    Really? I guess SHIELD left that out of the files to keep things PG-13.
                              I’m a bisexual, darling.  Means I  like  beautiful men   women. 

             Yeah— Guess SHIELD leaves a lot of things out, huh?
                        I like whoever has a good personality, don’t matter the gender. 



               It’s hurtful that you think I’m more likely to be drunk than honest.
                    You’re an attractive guy, Steve. Don’t have to be a narcissist to acknowledge that. 

             I didn’t think you found me attractive—
                           Hell, I didn’t think you found men attractive period. 

Yesterday S U C K E D. 

1) Went to the ER, found out I’ve had an infection and it’s causing inflammation on my uterus and ovaries, and the meds my gyno gave me were basically useless… gyno is a moron and never going to Planned Parenthood for treatment ever again. 2) When I got home, found my rat walking weird and tilting his head to the side… had to put him to sleep because he had several things I couldn’t afford to treat, and finally 3) My work called, they said my ‘temp assignment’ was over and they didn’t need me anymore.

AKA, I no longer have a job.

I’m going to go to the employment office on Monday and see what jobs they have available and start looking for a job ASAP, I don’t want to go long without having one. x-x So yup. that was my shitty fucking day in a nutshell. I’ll provide a better update when I’m more aware and less drowsy. I’m sorry I haven’t been online lately guys, things have just been hectic.
Three times Steve thought he had lost Bucky.


"Drinking?  A little.  I mean, just a little before I came over here.  Had to get up he courage somehow, right?"  Bucky stares at Steve curiously, worriedly, for a few long seconds.  Fuck, this isn’t going well.  He should’ve just waltzed in here and kissed Steve stupid.  Then blamed it on the alcohol if Steve had pushed him away.  Would’ve saved them from having to do all this talking.  


       ”I don’t need a dame, Steve.  Jesus.”  And this probably
       wasn’t the time to assure Steve that he had had a dame
       just about a week ago.  It’s not like he’s acting out of
       some desperate attempt to end a dry spell.  He wants
       Steve, and that isn’t going away no matter how much
       Bucky tells himself it’s a terrible goddamn idea.  One
       that he can’t get out of his head no matter how many
       times he tries.  ”I want you; not some dame.  Just so
       we’re clear.  Your call now.”

            The look of shock on Steve’s face would make anyone double take. Steve thought Bucky was messing around, or might of drank a little too much and was acting out because of his intoxication…. but no, this was Bucky’s way of showing his feeling towards Steve, admitting them. Steve felt like someone threw a bag of bricks at him and intended him to catch while being caught off guard. At first he didn’t know what to say, to be honest he didn’t know how to react either. Should he be happy Bucky felt the same way? Or be worried? Typical Steve to over think everything, and right now a thousand questions were flooding through his mind as to why Bucky was admitting them now of all times.

           Suddenly his heart started to beat harder and faster and it was getting hard to swallow or breath. Jaw clenching tightly, he licked his lips from nervous habit and averted his gaze from the other.  — I… uh… I want you too.  Might as well admit his feelings too, that way nothing was hidden and everything was out in the open. There was no taking anything back now.


You are so brave and quiet, I forget you are suffering.

- Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms.


[ Here she was, back in town. He really can’t roll with the punches unless they’re actual punches. ]

"Missed you too."


               “I missed that dumpling place more, though.”

               Haha, very funny.  


True enough.  But, hey, Steve’s a troublemaker too.  That’s probably why they fit so well, so easy.  ”Guess I can understand that,” he adds finally.  ”Anyone who wants you for the whole…Captain American thing?  Stupid as hell, really.”  He gives Steve a grin now, and it comes a little more naturally.   

          “You know what the problem is, right?  If you’re looking
          for someone who knew you, noticed you, before, your
          options pretty much whittle down to one on this side of
          the ocean.”  That’s probably not totally true, but Bucky’s
          desperate enough to say it.  

He jerks a thumb towards his own chest and waggles his
eyebrows.  ”I’d be more than happy to show you the ropes,
you know.”  And there it is, a confession laid out on the
table, but he watches Steve resolutely.  Refuses to duck
his head or laugh it off; there’s a challenge in his eyes 
because he knows Steve never could back down from a 


     ”It’s be a helluva way to pass the night, huh?”

               —That’s not funny, Buck.  Steve said dryly, glancing over at the other as if he was insane. It didn’t take a miracle for Steve to understand what was going on… Bucky was either really drunk and hitting on him or revealing hidden feelings that they both seemed to have locked up.  Have you been drinking, Buck? Don’t want you to be saying something or doing something you’re gonna regret…  He said softly, biting the inside of his lip as a small sigh was exhaled. Who was he kidding, Bucky was just a bit drunk and was acting out because of his intoxication. Steve wasn’t amused.

         His reaction was just to defend himself from his own feelings that he knew he had, he didn’t want to get hurt or ruin the friendship they had.  I don’t need to be shown the ropes—  He said softly, swallowing down the lump that was forming in his back of his throat. Despite the thoughts now swimming through Steve’s head, he wouldn’t give into temptation and make a fool of himself or let Bucky do the same.  I just think you’ve been alone for too long, maybe you need a dame to entertain you.